Dearest Friends:
When I taught Group Psychotherapy and Professional Ethics courses to Marriage, Family and Child Therapy students in California, it became apparent to me that many of those students wanted to become therapists because they had tremendous healing to do themselves. However, I would always remind them, “You can only take people in the healing process as far as you, yourself, have gone.” There is no way that one can guide someone through a healing process if one has not gone through that same process, but more importantly, if a healer goes unhealed, that healer can cause harm to his/her clients and patients and to oneself. Because of this risk of harming others, students who are in clinical training to become therapists MUST undergo individual therapy in order to deal with their own healing issues and heal before they even begin to think that they can help others to heal. I believe that this same crucial need to address personal healing issues applies to all healers.
I will share with you a couple of examples to demonstrate what can occur if a healer has not healed. Let’s say that Reiki practitioner, Jane, was raped as a young child but had not healed from that experience. One day, a man schedules a Reiki session with Jane but when he arrives at his appointment, he reminds Jane of the man who raped her. A transference occurs. By the time the man is on the table, Jane has developed an aversion towards him with feelings of fear and distrust. Let’s also say that Jane is unhappy, believing it is unfair that she has been professionally unsuccessful. The next day a very successful, beautiful young woman arrives for a scheduled Reiki healing session. The woman reminds Jane of her own lack of success, and she is instantly jealous of the woman. In both of these cases, Jane has projected negative feelings---her unhealed “stuff”---onto a man and woman who came to her for a healing session—a healing session that turned out, instead, to be a harming session. Thus, innocent person were harmed by the healer’s own healing issues as a result of the negative energy that was projected--contrary to what the healer was supposed to be doing. This raises a serious ethical issue---ethical issues that should apply to all healers who work in the healing professions.
Although most of you did not choose to pursue clinical training, it is helpful for you to be aware of “red flags” that indicate when a healer is in need of healing. Does he/she find fault, criticize or dislike someone for an unfounded reason? It could be that there is a transference that is forcing that person to face an issue within himself/herself---as if a button is being pushed. It has nothing to do with defects or shortcomings of the other person. However, the healer’s negativity not only harms the other person---it is also harming the healer because the healer is not separating his/her own healing issues from the other person’s healing issues but rather, is allowing the issues to get “muddled up together.” Tragically, if this continues, the healer can actually become psychotic.
I realize now that one reason why I wanted my students to experience and learn Raindrop Technique is because it helps them heal—especially at the DNA level. I realize that if my students heal themselves first, they will then have the capacity to help others heal rather than harm others. We are always healing to some extent but when the bulk of the work is done, we can separate our own healing from other’s healing and thus, do no harm. Interestingly, I have observed that when most students begin their own healing journey with Reiki, it is understandably about “me, me, me”, which is because they are working through their own issues and healing. When the shift changes to thinking about “others, others, others” and the “me” focus seems to disappear, it is because they have significantly healed and thus, have the “capacity” to help others heal. We cannot truly be of benefit to others if we are confused or suffering ourselves simply because we will not have the capacity to do so.
It is our Western indoctrination that has trained us to focus on outcome—the degree—the certificate—obtaining titles—being called a Master. But focus on outcome can often rob us of the most important part—the process. It reminds me of the 1964 Olympics theme: “The most important part of the Olympic games is not the triumph but the struggle.” It is also the “self is the master of self” process and struggle in our own healing journey that is most beneficial, rather than the triumph of what we perceive as a final outcome. No wonder so many people suffer with depression after they receive that long sought degree or obtain the title of Master. They missed out on the importance of the process, and now all they have is a piece of paper in their hand.
If people have not healed through their “stuff” and you, as a healer, do not recognize it but engage with them to the point that you are reinforcing their “little story”, you are not helping that person. You are only helping them to develop more pathology. The beauty of Functional Family Therapy (FFT), a National Blueprint Model, and the model in which I was trained, is that no negativity is allowed whatsoever in therapy. The therapist is trained to interrupt any negative comment and reframe it into something positive and/or benign. That reframe supports the meta-analysis that I conducted during my postdoctoral fellowship in regard to negativity in family functioning, which I can summarize in three words: Negativity is lethal. It is why group psychotherapy can make people sicker. People are sitting and listening to everyone’s negative “stuff.” That is why I no longer teach group psychotherapy. I believe in the admonition, “First, do no harm.” Reiki does no harm, and thus, Reiki is a better tool for helping others heal. Offering Reiki to others or encouraging them to have Reiki in their own hands is far more prudent than excessive listening or advice. There are other beneficial tools, as well, such as sound healing, essential oils, Raindrop Technique and meditation.
I always think about the bond that connects all sentient beings. We all want happiness, and we do not wish to suffer. If we have compassion, we will not want others to suffer, and we will not do or say anything that will cause others to suffer. If we cause suffering in others, we will perpetuate more karmic suffering because it will return to us.
In conclusion, an unhealed healer eventually becomes detrimental to healing, and may actually block and confuse the way for others. When a healer doesn’t do his/her work, the flow is stopped, and he/she will not benefit from healing energy and others won't benefit, either. If you really want to help someone else, help yourself first. As Jesus said, “Heal thyself.” Enjoy and embrace the process. It is then that the healer can truly be a spark, a flame, and then a beacon of light for the darkness in the world. What better motivation for healing can their possibly be?
Much love and light,
Carol
Copyright @ 2006 by Carol A. Wilson
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment